10.10.2006

Days 9 and 10: Finding My Zen

Sorry I was such a slacker yesterday. I've been really busy, so I thought I'd catch up two days in one post.

The feelings and emotions of Day 8 are still fresh in my mind, but I am once again being kept in orgasm denial. I think I will probably be kept in this state for longer this time, and I am very anxious to see what I am capable of. I went a week without cumming last time, but only three days of that included "homework". This time, I'm edging every day from Day 1. We'll see what's in store for me.

Yesterday I felt like, yeah, I could do this. It's not as bad as I think. Then, as the day grew into night, I realized that I was quickly finding myself in the same boat. Frustrated, aching, wanting desperately to quench my thirst for release. Truth be told, though, the support of several kind people has taken a bit of the edge off. I have had constant encouragement and guidance from the lovely Ms. Kate, and several others from the Cockcontrol.com community have rallied behind me.

I've been thinking a lot about myself, how I've let loose a submissive side of my soul that is soooo ready to trust and be nurtured. It's a bit scary for me to allow someone else to control something so personal to me, but I think it has been long overdue. I get myself in too much trouble when I think I know everything.

Will I be able to make it this time? Will I learn something new about myself? Will I learn new things about others? These questions keep me going. It's why I once again find myself stroking my cock to the very brink, every night, and then forcing myself not to cum. It's a very powerful contrast, being so close yet so far. Knowing that one or two more twitches of my wrist, or a thrust of my hips, or a muscle tensing in my stomach, and I'll release the orgasm that I've been trying so often to coax to the surface. That's mind blowing to me.

In those moments when my breath fails me, when my muscles lock and my fingers curl, when time stand still and the world is absolutely silent, I find myself clinging to my "zen", that image or idea or story or voice, that makes me want to be good for one more day.

Tomorrow is exciting.

1 comment:

Lady Kate said...

Ohhhhhhh that picture excited me :)That will be our secret but it is just as I imagined it would be:)

Kate