10.15.2006

10 Days? Really?

Last night, I really had to go slowly to "edge". After putting tons of lube on the head, I rubbed around it slowly, trying very hard to breath. I touched it very lightly, hoping to make it easier on myself. Unfortunately, after about 20 seconds, I found myself trying so hard not to buck my hips or speed up. I had to stop.

But I hadn't edged yet, so I decided to rub just the underside of the shaft with a couple of fingers. If felt really good, and gave me a moment to just enjoy the feeling. I then began rubbing the top, then the head again. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft, stroked slowly, got about 15 strokes in, then I was at the edge. I just squeezed down for a minute... I can't believe how long I'm starting to stay on the edge when I get there. I was pulsing, so ready for release....

I went to bed, and fell asleep quickly. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I was still hard, and bucking my hips a bit. I got a drink, and went back to sleep. It took awhile to fall back asleep, but I felt a certain sense of happiness.

It has now been 10 days since I last came. Ten days! For me, that is not even a real number. I have never gone so long! I realized that the reason for my happiness is that I have someone guiding me who makes me think I can do it, can improve myself. I'm not doing this alone, and I think the teasing and denial is less important than the journey of discovery I am on.

I don't know how much longer I'll be in denial mode, how much longer I can last, but I know I will try because Ms Kate makes the rewards for me so sweet. She is truly a talented and incredible person, and I trust her with this very special part of my journey. The road for me is rough, but the driver makes it less bumpy.

1 comment:

gg said...

I'm proud of your control. Not everyday chronics, like us, can defy such challenges.