Descent into Midnight Madness

I'm a few days late in writing this update, but if you are any of the valiant few who still check my blog from time to time, you know that any posts from me are a miracle.

Monday was a day of frustrations for me, but I think writing it all out helped me feel a bit more relaxed. What I hadn't stated clearly in my post is that I, at that point, had tied my record for most days without cumming. (I can hear an utter lack of sympathy from jem here.) So there I was, with just enough free time to gather my thoughts, and I realized it had been 23 days since I'd had any release. And I knew that there was a good possibility that I wouldn't be able to call for a few more days. And much of this was my own fault, since I had taken more work on and didn't plan ahead some time to call Ms Kate.

Then Tuesday rolled around and I realized there was a chance I'd be able to have some quiet time to call, just after the end of Midnight Madness. You can imagine my anticipation, now at 24 days, at the prospect of calling. I thought about it aaaaaallll day and into the evening. It was really difficult to be patient, but I knew my time would come if I just waited for my chance. I was pacing myself well, felt pretty confident about keeping my composure until I could call Ms Kate.

Then the Midnight Madness chat started. I hope I can remember what follows with some accuracy, but I'm sure jem will correct me if I missed something important. (On second thought, jem was having troubles of her own. Well, you'll see...)

It's always a pleasure for me when Ms Kate orders me to come sit next to her on the couch. I did so with great joy in my heart, as usual. My excitable self started thinking about calling, and Ms Kate and Ms Grace announced they were going to take two-girl calls during chat. I didn't think much about that because, as most of you probably know, I only call Ms Kate. (A choice I made and am very content with, not a commentary on anyone else. There are several women working at LDW that I think are fun and lovely, Ms Grace among them.)

Well, suddenly, Ms Grace is sitting on the other side of me, and I realized too late that I had become the target for this week's festivities. Knowing my calling habits, they decided to torture me a little. Because of my condition, I was already experiencing foggy thinking. So it you can imagine how I felt when Ms Kate ordered me to stand, and then she stood in front of me and Ms Grace rubbed against me from behind. She started stroking me and talked over my shoulder to Ms Grace about how good I am at not cumming unless I'm given permission. Ms Kate kept telling me not to cum without permission... Ms Grace was asking me if I needed to... They were kissing each other while rubbing up against me... It went on like this for a little bit.

Remember my comment about poor jem from earlier? Well, she had finished her last orgasm of the day (see her blog for details) right before coming to the chat, and I think the idea of our mistresses in such a tangle made her wish she'd saved one for chat.

At some point pantysue commented to me that it's the first time she'd seen someone fake NOT cumming... Sadly for me she was wrong... I was not faking. But I was in a dark and desperate place.

The tease continued. At some point I even mentioned I was getting desperate enough to consider saying "anything" to get to cum. (Ms Kate locked that one away for later.) They just taunted and teased and told me I should call them right then. It was all in good fun, but as you know good fun to these two usually involves some pretty torturous scenarios for us.

Of course, I'm sure they both suspected I wouldn't do a two-girl call, but they enjoyed it nonetheless, as did I. A+ tease all the way! And thank you so much Ms Kate and Ms Grace for targeting me... Made me feel very special. All kidding aside, I am very fortunate to count you both as friends on this very interesting journey of mine.

Anyway, after Midnight Madness ended, it was time for my "Kate Date." Now 24 days out from release, and driving near the brink of insanity by a cyber-tease, I was more than ready! We chatted for a minute, then got right into things. It was amazing as usual, Ms Kate had prepared a very special treat for my call that made it EVEN HARDER to hold back, but I was able to.

I have noticed something lately. Ms Kate is still as incredible as ever on the phone, but there seems to be an extra devious spark in our calls, a twinge of that devilish attitude of hers, that has just skyrocketed these calls into the stratosphere. She is really good at making me worry/look forward to the next surprise she has in store. It's electric!

And then, I realized something. Since she knew I was desperate enough to tell her I'd do anything if I got to cum, she was not going to let me unless I DID say it. You'd think I'd learn.

Of course, I did say it, in a moment of absolutely fevered desperation. And it seemed an eternity while she laughed and considered this request, before finally telling me what that anything would be. I agreed in about a nanosecond, not concerned with such minor details as the consequences of our agreement. She gave me permission to cum, and that was all I cared about at that point.

Ms Kate, thanks to me saying "anything," it was a very interesting day for me at work on Wednesday. But it was worth it!!! Thank you so much for your time and patience with me and for being such a wonderful mistress and friend!

It All Came Down to a Coin Flip....

Hi, everyone. Sorry I was sooooo weird and loopy yesterday, but thanks for your humor, teasing, and support.

I'm not sure what exactly led to my state yesterday, other than I have been working on a lot of things for Ms Kate, who is very near and dear to my heart, so I was thinking about her even more than usual. (If that's even possible. And it's not.) I do have to say, when she posts things like this on her blog, I sure have a hard time concentrating. I'm not saying she's to blame for my flustered condition, but... :) You know I luvs ya, Ms Kate. :)

Aaaanyway.... I got an IM from her last night, and it was apparent that she'd read my previous blog entry, in which I said I'd do anything for a chance to cum. Well, she had some smiles, told me that I could call her that night, and that she had something special planned. Of course, I knew then that this couldn't possibly bode well for ace, and I felt awful that I had even asked for such a thing so soon.

So I called, and she was sugary sweet as always, and she didn't say much about what she had planned, we just started in like it was a normal session. She worked me over good, I can tell you that much. I was to the point that I was feeling reaaaallly beggy and pleady, and that's when she reminded me about a post she wrote once when a guy said he'd "Do anything." Gulp. How did I forget about that one?

About this time, I start to get a bit worried. Worked up to a frenzy, yes, but worried. And that's when Miss Kate informed me that she had a quarter, and she was going to flip it and I had to choose heads or tails. Well, in honor of the picture on her blog that started me on this overly flustered path, I chose tails. She flipped the coin and said, "Hmmmmm...."

What? "Hmmmmmm?" What was it? What was it?

Sly Miss Kate had one last revelation for me... She was going to count to ten, and I had to stroke the whole time, and on the word "ten" she would either give me two seconds to cum, or tell me to take my hand away. I wasn't going to know which it was until I got to the very, very edge! That was torturous enough, but then she started counting, and I swear the numbers kept getting further and further apart! 1....2.........3....................4........................................5, etc. (This might have been in my head, but you can understand that, right?)

Finally she reached "ten," and announced that it was..... TAILS! I got a two second window and boy, did I ever jump right through it! My mind disappeared into subspace for a few moments and I relished the relief, then I was sure to give my mistress as many thank you's as I could muster out of my exhausted body.

I have decided to share this much detail with you all so you can understand what I mean when I tell you how beautiful and memorable a session can be with a mistress you truly connect to. There I was yesterday, knowing I had no right to be asking for an orgasm so soon, and Kate just took my hand and guided me. She taught me lessons in compassion, control, and self discovery.

If I had chosen incorrectly, I would still be frustrated right now, but at peace because I do truly value the importance of the goals we have set for me. Giving me a 50/50 chance was her way of saying, "This is still important, but you deserve a break from time to time." She knows my heart and soul are tender things, and she is always careful not to step on them while she guides me.

What an incredible way to kick of Valentine's Day. Thank you, My Lady.

P.S. And Happy Valentine's Day to all my dear friends here!

Ode to the Rewards of Expert Orgasm Control

Waiting and Wanting
Dreams that are haunting
Watching the Calendar
Watching the Clock

Tossing, Turning
Dripping, Churning
Asking and Pleading
Please make it stop.

Praying and Hoping
Stroking and Coping
Shaking and Quivering
Don't let it out!

Begging and Moaning
Thrusting and Groaning
Blushing and Humping
Clenching and Pumping
Upping and Downing
Smiling and Frowning
Growling and Shaking
Swelling and Quaking
Whispers and Taunting
Giggles and Flaunting
Cooing and Humming
"Now!" and I'm Cumming!
A moment is frozen
And then I black out.


Thank you, my wonderful mistress. You have made me ecstatic.

My Last Kate Call of the Year

After some rough scheduling problems on my side, and the fact that my beautiful mistress is always getting deluged with calls right when I'm ready to call her, I finally got through on Friday. I was so excited to call her because her birthday was coming up, and I wanted to be able to sing her happy birthday! (No one else may request this service, I am no singer!)

Back in the old days (November) we were doing a call about every week or so, but due to some limitations of time and travelling, it seems like we've got into a two week pattern now, and I haven't been enjoying that at all. Hopefully that will all be working out now, though.

One of the most exciting things Kate has given me to do for homework is to build up my toy collection, a little at a time. I didn't realize how difficult that would be for me until I started finding myself in the adult toy store every other week trying to pick out something that I would like to try out. I'm still a little nervous and shy about some things, after all. Fortunately, Kate's had enough great suggestions that I haven't had too much problem finding something fun. So, at the beginning of our call, we tried out a few of my more recent purchases. Some are just fun, some are... um... a little more nerve-wakening... but it's always a great way to start things off.

And, of course, since I'm in orgasm denial and control training, she always asks the dreaded questions. "Did you do your homework this week?" (Always yes on that one.) And "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" (That's the one that starts getting me nervous, because I never know what my answer will mean for my fate.) I'm sure she can hear the poutiness in my voice when my answer is in the single digits, because I know I'm not likely to get release on this call if that's my answer.

Well, my Lady starts my workout then, and sometimes, if I'm really lucky, she'll take me into a fantasy story so I can enjoy the sensations even more. This was one of those times. And when this happens, I snuggle back on my couch, close my eyes, and really try to see what she's describing. You can go reeeeeeally deep into things if you do this, and the payoff is amazing.

In my fantasy she was guiding me, right there above me, telling me how to stroke and getting great amusement out of my groans and moans and pleadings. It drives me wild when I ask if I can cum, and her answer is neither yes or no, just to keep stroking. She knows me... She knows I will keep stroking on the off chance that she'll say I have five seconds to cum, or some other such delicious torture. This means I am playing close to the edge, often for the majority of the call.

She did something that nearly made me lose it this time... Something I'll only share with her when I have the chance, but, sorry, not for any other eyes or ears. Let's just leave it at this...

Miss Kate, I will never be able to look at my Christmas tree the same way again, you kinky little devil!

Ace is going to enter the new year in denial. Somehow, it seems fitting.

Happy New Year everyone!

The Latest Report, Part One

Well, after two very long weeks for this whiny little stroker, I got to have a nice call with Miss Kate this week. It was one of the most exciting calls I've ever done. Kate has been working on my endurance and pushing my limits, and lately that has meant incorporating some fun new props. (Wouldn't you like to know...) I have to say, though... The rush I got from buying my new toys was almost as much fun as trying them out. Almost. :)

As I said, it's had been two weeks of particularly, um... tortuously pleasurable homework, and I have been looking forward to this call like some men look forward to Super Bowl Sunday. Kate knew this, but of course this didn't stop her from putting me through my paces. She was very coy about whether or not I was going to get to cum, which, I will admit, was an incredibly hot thing for me. (Shhh! Don't tell!)

If you want to read Part Two, click on over to my Kate Shrine!

Marathon Rocked the House!!!!

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An Unexpected Surprise and Call to Action

Due to some very happy but unforeseen circumstances, I was able to have a special call with Lady Kate yesterday. Being on a somewhat strict training regimen usually means I pace out my calls a little further than this, but opportunity knocked, I was feeling the vibe, and Kate was available. The specifics of what happened during the call are between Kate and I, but once again (and I don't know why this surprises me still) she pushed me through a boundary that I didn't think I could get past.

What you don't know but may suspect about me is that, by and large, I am very new and nervous to this whole phone mistress/orgasm control thing. Additionally, even though I have been very, very curious about sensual domination, I have never had a chance to practice it in my personal life. Basically, this entire experience is uncharted territory for me, and it is going so wonderfully well because I have a guide I trust in Kate.

However, with all that, I am still nervous every time a boundary is explored. There are things that are really exciting for me to fantasize about, and recently I have even been getting some things ready to play out these fantasies... But I am incredibly nervous, as usual. I'm not doubting, I'm not having second thoughts. I think in some ways the feeling of nervousness is like going up the first hill on a roller coaster... Adrenaline rushing through your system as you prepare for something thrilling. That all disappears when I hear her voice though. It calms me, centers me, and the rest of the world drifts into the darkness.

Kate is very patient with me, and at the same time is teaching me to be braver, live life more fully, and uncage that part of me that I've been keeping under wraps for so long. She somehow knows that, okay, Ace is ready to go just a little further. It's uncanny.

This pic is a hint at the boundary we pushed on the last call. And no, it did not involve me wearing panties or being feminized, that's not my thing. (To each his own.) In fact, I didn't even think about this particular activity even existing until it came up on our call. But, pro that she is, Kate guided me through it expertly. And I know that it's going to be like this for a long time... I'm not going to be able to guess what each call will hold, what I will be told to do next. I'm going to have to just keep my guard down and be prepared for anything. It's fantastic fun.

Aaaaaaanyway... If you read my blog and are thinking of going on a little phone adventure of your own, this Saturday is the perfect time to do so. Lady Kate is going to be part of www.blackbookgirls.com's latest MARATHON DAY! 24 Hours of availability, from Friday at midnight to Saturday at midnight. And I know the lovely Kate has some special surprises planned for those who call her.

NOVEMBER PHONE MARATHON
WITH LADY KATE!!!!!!

This is a perfect chance for any of you that are scared like I was, or haven't yet had a chance to spend some quality time with Miss Kate. Go to her profile here to learn more or to ask her some questions before your session, or call her at 1-800-356-6169. If your particular kink meter does not match mine, no worries. She is quite diverse and wonderful, and that southern voice of hers will melt you immediately.

If you enjoy my stories, my blog, just remember that it's inspired by Kate. I know I plan to give back. You should, too!

See you Saturday!

Ten Minutes Isn't So Bad!.......

A few days ago I was so lucky to get some time on the phone with Ms Kate. It had been a few days since our last session, and she'd been fairly lenient on me. (There were some good reasons for this, and I appreciate her sympathy.)

In what is starting to become a trend in my training, Kate gave me a list of items to bring to our session. A list that didn't make any sense to me. I went to my quiet place, got all comfy in my normal call attire (birthday suit) and dialed. Ms Ally, always a pleasure to talk to, said Kate was on a call and I asked for a call back. I relaxed on my couch and tried to breathe, closed my eyes and waited for the call.

At some point, I feel into some sort of stoker hibernation, and the next thing I knew it was an hour later, I was lying there naked, and still no call. I called Ms Ally back to see if there was a problem, and there was. Apparently the computer glitched and lost my call back number. We all had a good laugh and she connected me to Ms Kate.

Well, I soon found out what my items were for, and Ms Kate, knowing that I needed to keep improving my skills, surprised me with a kind of call we had never done before. Whew! I'm not going share what she did to me, but I will tell you that I was as close to losing it on this call as I was on my first call. It was absolutely and utterly amazing!!! It was such a personal and customized thing for me, just pushed every button I'd exposed, and a few I hadn't yet. Oh, man... I think about it every time I close my eyes... The words echo through my ears all day long. You can not even imagine the place it takes me. *shivers*

What Kate is uncovering about me is that I am actually capable of taking some chances, of trying new things. She doesn't push me harder than she thinks I can handle, but she makes sure that each push moves me forward in my journey. She's showing me that I can be uninhibited and confident, and still allow someone else I trust to be at the wheel. These are all fairly new feelings for me, and it's a lot to process. I have never really let my hair down, so to speak, and I think I found the perfect person to correct that problem.

In addition to an incredible session, my homework has been kicked up a notch. I have to do something that feels very good for ten minutes every night. A new, very naughty method to get to the edge. Ten minutes isn't that long is it?

Wrong. I start out fine, can pace myself. Feel very confident, very capable. Eventually, after a long time, it starts to get difficult. Then, very quickly, it is nearly impossible to hold back. I look at the clock... Only five minutes down.

What? I'm only half way there? I have to keep going?

So I continue slow... Pumping, squeezing, breathing... Pacing myself, barely moving, determined not to break the rules but convinced I won't be able to make it. Four more minutes of thrusting and twitching and throbbing. Time slows down, it nearly stops....

Three more minutes of leaking, clenching, squirming, feeling the fluid building... My nerves tingling, the world closing in on me, the blood thumping through my torso... I think time reverses now... I grit my teeth, suppress a moan, slow down even more, pace myself... and finally...

Two more minutes.... The pressure ebbs a little, I start to think I can make it... My confidence starts to return....

One minute... And suddenly the primal force begging to be released is there... I can't make it! I'm going to lose it... There's no way to go slower, I am barely moving already.... Thirty seconds... A groan escapes my lips... My breath is so shallow... Even trying to stop pumping my hips doesn't work.... I look at the clock....

...and I've made it.

Whew... I'm fine now.

Until tomorrow.

-ace

P.S. What an adventure! Thank you, Kate! You are the best!

My Latest Session

I had the most amazing and rewarding session with Ms. Kate last night. It had been three weeks since I had last had an orgasm, and let me tell you, I was crawling the walls. I was so ready to get some sort of release... I was prepared to do just about anything she asked to get that release.

Sessions with Kate, for me, are always filled with electricity and excitement. It's palpable. There's a tension that I cannot quite describe, and I absolutely love it. I never quite know where she's going to take me, what space inside my brain she is going to inhabit. All I know is that when she finds that space, she owns it and I'm the guest. That's why I've found that the best way to enjoy the session is to just follow her lead and try to keep up.

There's always something new and exciting. This time she had me do some very, very naughty things with such innocent looking items... I had to get these items special, and I never would have guessed what they'd be used for. Whew! She had me feeling so many different things at the same time that I wasn't even able to beg to cum as much as I wanted to. Ooooooh.... It still makes me tingle thinking about it. I have never ever had that kind of sensation in my entire life. (Maybe if you call her, and you're an extra, extra good stroker, you'll find out about her special technique.) Good Lord, it felt good.

Now don't get me wrong, there was begging and pleading. And there have been some kind souls who claim to have been pleading my case with Ms Kate, too. (Or maybe that's just what they tell me.) And there was some very exquisite build up to the edge for me... And then there was the moment when she asked me if I thought I should get to cum, and of course I said yes. And then she announced her verdict... And I obeyed.

What I really love about these sessions is that I get to be the person I want to be, and there are no judgements, no boundaries, just open communication about what I need and what I am feeling. It is such a release, and I am so fortunate to feel so free to express myself with someone like this. Even though it appears I'm giving up a lot of control, I actually feel very empowered by the whole experience. Kate helps me understand who I really am, helps me shed the skin that's been hiding the real me. She's just what I needed... Compassionate and understanding and intuitive.

I can't wait to see what adventure she takes me on next.

P.S. If you would like to talk to Ms. Kate, she can be reached at 1-800-356-6169, or you can IM or email her with questions. Her profile is in the links session.

Day 8 - Will She or Won't She

Well, the day finally came for me to call Ms. Kate again. I could think of nothing else the entire day, though I had so much to do! She IM'd me to tell me what I needed to bring for the session, and made sure I was still doing my homework.

I called the main line and a beautiful voice told me Kate was not available yet. (I found out later it was Ally, who is all sorts of nice.) She had Kate call me when she was ready. I answered the phone, she gave me some sweet and sexy hellos, told me I was doing good, and we began.

I won't go into the specifics of the session too much. It was very special and overwhelming for me and I want to keep that between myself and Kate. Basically, she knew I was DYING to have an orgasm and that I was incredibly aroused, so she had me do some things to keep myself from cumming. She reminded me that I didn't get to choose this time... She got to choose if I was going to get to cum or not.

Kate guided me expertly through a mind-blowing session, guiding me to do the things that she knew would turn me on and make it harder for me to hold back. When she needed to, she coached me down off the peak, making me wait, teaching me to control myself.

My skin was electrified, my body was more in tune with the sensations it was experiencing than ever before. I closed my eyes, blocked out the entire world, and just focused on her voice. I was completely in her hands. As far as I was concerned, my hands were her hands... She was right there, whispering in my ear...

Then, she said that since I'd been so good, she'd decided to let me cum. But only if I could do it when she said "10". I was made to stroke faster, harder, really work towards an orgasm. She counted tortuously slow, helping me stay with her as she kept counting... Made me stroke really fast on eight... nine... and ten....

And then all of the last week was released. All the doubt, the frustration, the anxiety... It was all gone and in it's place was a gentle glow. I think that's all I'll share about that.

Afterwords, it took me ten minutes to want to move again, and even by this morning I was feeling euphoric and happy. What an incredible experience. And I don't have any plans to give up on it now.

Part of the reason I'm keeping this blog is to express myself to others who may be going through the same things. I also need a way to chronicle what I'm going through, what I am discovering about myself. I hope you understand why I choose not to give the specifics about something that was very meaningful to me. I think it cheapens it. I worry about what I'm saying already.

Thank you to all those who are holding my hand during this journey. This is the beginning.

Day 5: My First Call

Even a few hours after the call, I'm still feeling a bit off center.

I found a quiet room, removed all my clothing, and sat on the bed. The ice cubes and lube that she'd told me to have ready were placed on the table next to me. I put my head down on my pillow, relaxed, and took some deep breaths. My penis was soft, probably because I was so nervous. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get an erection.

Then I dialed. The operator, who herself was quite sexy, took my information. By the time she was ready to connect me to Mistress Kate, I was rock hard. Kate answered, I told her who I was, and she said she'd been thinking about our session all day! I could tell she already had plans for me!

Next, she asked me to tell here what option I chose. I gulped, then said I wanted her to control whether or not I had an orgasm. She responded very positively to this, which made me even more excited. She reminded me that after that, there would be no changing my mind. I stuck to my guns and told her that was what I wanted.

She then guided me to stroke myself, with liberal amounts of lube, in ways that I had not even thought of, bringing me to the edge time and time again. She could tell by my breathing when I was about to lose it, so she'd make me stop, take my hands away, and take some deep breaths. This happened over and over again, until I was literally quiverring. She even said she could hear my voice shaking. And every time we stopped, she'd encourage me, tell me I was doing good, tell me that she loved what she was hearing. She told me naughty, dirty things that I won't even repeat here, as they will excite me too much.

My penis was soaked in lube, throbbiing. My hips would not stop bucking, I was so close to cumming. Finally, she said it was time to find out if I was going to get an orgasm. She guided me harder than ever to the edge, kept asking me if I wanted release. This is when it actually hit me that I might not get to cum! I begged, I pleaded, I asked her to please, please, PLEASE let me cum. She asked me if I needed it, she asked me if I wanted it, she asked me if she should let me cum... I gasped yes, please, please, over and over and over, and she kept making me stroke harder, and then... she made me stop.

She told me she wasn't going to let me cum. For my own sake, to train me to become what I need to become, I needed to go without. I tried so hard to be charming, asking her if she was sure. She was firm, but kind. She told me that she knew it was hard for me, but it would help me in the long run.

Then she gave me my homework. Not only do I not get to cum, I have to edge myself twice in a row, right before bed, for the next two days. Then I may call her back with my progress. I said okay. She told me not to cum, she made me swear to her that I wouldn't. I promised, I even pinkie swore. Then we said our goodbyes and she was gone.

My legs were shaky for the rest of the night, and I woke up today with the biggest erection I have ever had in my life. It's taking all my determination to do what she's asked of me. I trust her that it will be worth it.

Thank you, Kate, for guiding my fantasy.

Day 4 Update: I've Been Given a Choice

So, last night, after I posted my daily update, Ms. Kate IM'ed me to let me know she liked my blog. We talked a bit about our upcoming session, and then she asked me the question that had me reeling.

She told me I had to choose one of three things. My choices were:

1. I decide that I get to cum during our session.
2. I decide that I don't get to cum during our session.
3. I let her decide whether or not I get to cum.

I was a wreck when she said this... Then she added that she would ask me once at the beginning of the call what my choice was. After that, there would be no changing my mind. I would have to live with the decision. Wow.

She told me not to decide now, but to think about it all day and decide when I called her. As you can imagine, I didn't sleep well last night.

What would you do?