CNN SPECIAL REPORT
The Cocks News Network interrupts coverage of Bear Butcher: The Princess Grace Trial to bring you breaking news from nearby Ace Mansion.
Since last week's rumored appearance by the mysterious WonderAce, many have speculated that (A) WonderAce has killer gams and (B) that there may be some connection between the lasso lady and Ace Papadopolis (known more commonly as Ace Strokes, the founder of Ace Cookies and Fine Confections.)
Attempts to question Mr. Strokes have revealed a startling story... The cookie factory, once buzzing with sugary smoke stacks and the pitter patter of indentured servant elf feet, is changing. A sign on the front gate reads, "Ace Cookies is Under Renovation. Please pardon our dust." Near the far South end of the compound, girders and scaffolding have begun to pop up. Several construction personnel have been spotted unloading what appears to be a pink corvette into the garage. At night, neighbors swear they can hear the desperate howls of a forlorn and frustrated predatory cat. (The neighbors have very finely tuned hearing.)
Company spokesman and evil doppleganger Bugsy "Not-Ace" Francisco delivered a brief, yet cryptic message to the press just moments ago. "Da cookie factory ain't finished. Dey's jus makin' some, er... improvements to da technology." Then, a team of lawyers arrived, caught Not-Ace's eye, and he finished the press conference with a brief, "Now amscray."
As the legal team disappeared into the catacombs of the complex, reporters were left confused and curious. Is there something insidious developing behind the iron bars of Ace Mansion? Has the cookie maven and bdsm enthusiast finally snapped? Will 300 elves have to file for unemployment? CNN is committed to bringing you up to the date information, so please stay tuned.
CNN SPECIAL REPORT